addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
