Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Who wears a wallet chain?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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