YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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