What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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