There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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