I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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