I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
