She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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