Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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