I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize