Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
