now i know why i became what i already was.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
