Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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