also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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