I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Randomize
