he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
