i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
