I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
