did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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