"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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