I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
