i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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