He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
