Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's JV to your varsity
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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