I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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