i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
