Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
