hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
did i just pee glitter
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
