the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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