At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
