there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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