She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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