Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
