Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
