So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
