i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
