I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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