She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
