I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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