i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
