i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
