using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
