Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
