Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
