i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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