so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
