I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
