mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
