So drunk, too bad you don't want this
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
