Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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