Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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