Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Someone shattered a urinal.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
