It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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