So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize