Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
