It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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