I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
