There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
