she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
