If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
