Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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