just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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