Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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