"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize