And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
