True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
