god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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