I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
