Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
