youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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