I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
