So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
