Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
