Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize