We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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