Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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