Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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