sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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