I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
