so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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