Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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