Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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