i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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