Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
