I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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