U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
