What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
