I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
