So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
