careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize