i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
