fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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