plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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