You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
