Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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