do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
