dude i'm inner monologue high
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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