sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
