we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
