It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.Â
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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