I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
