Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
